What's Your Self-Love Language?

Char always was a Words of Affirmation kind of girl.

Alright laddies, as promised in the latest Extra Credit challenge, I'm going to give you a breakdown about each of Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages as they pertain to self-love. Now, ICYMI, the 5 Love Languages quiz is a super short assessment used to determine how you feel most loved and is an amazing tool for getting to know yourself. Usually used for people in relationships or seeking one out, the quiz is also incredibly handy (as I'm about to demonstrate) for learning how to best love on yourself.

If you've always been a treat yo'self girl, but felt more stressed than satisfied after shopping, for example, you may have been speaking the wrong love language to yourself. Similarly, if you've always wondered why affirmations just feel fucking weird and not helpful at all, you're most likely not a Words of Affirmation person. If you have no idea what I'm talking about still, go take the damn quiz before continuing on. 


Okay now that we all know what our love language is, let's figure out how to spend time with ourselves that is truly nourishing and fulfilling. Read on for more:


Quality Time people (guilty as charged) are all about spending uninterrupted leisure time with themselves. Our boy Gary Chapman – or whatever intern he hired to write this quiz – says that "distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful" for these people. As a quality timer myself, I can say with full confidence that, if this is your language, the best way to practice it is by setting aside a couple of hours each day for yourself that is completely unplanned and distraction free. In that space, try to listen to your intuition about how to spend that time. It could mean watching The Bachelor, painting your nails, reading a book, journaling, painting, or WHATEVER you feel like doing. The important thing is to put this time into your schedule and treat it like a real date – no one likes to get stood up right?


If you're into words of affirmation, you need to be told why you're worthy of love on the daily. Saying "I love you" is great, but laying out specifically why is better. Big surprise: my suggestion for these types is to practice affirmations. Whether you want to stick postits all over your house to remind yourself of why you're great or look in the mirror every day and recite things like "I am worthy, I am enough, I am brilliant, I am interesting" is up to you. There is no wrong way as long as you are sticking to positive and encouraging words and your intentions of self-love are pure.


Taking on responsibility is key for these peeps who feel loved when someone helps them with their chores. In matters of self-love, that means tying up loose ends, sticking to commitments, and never ever ever making more work for yourself. Start by tidying up your space – the piles of stuff everywhere is just a reminder that things need getting done and the pressure of finding time to do it is only mounting with each day. Show yourself some love by taking care of business so you can get that warm, fuzzy accomplished feeling before bed each night.


Well the obvious suggestion here is that you need to pleasure yourself, mah dear. But physical touch people aren't allllll about the kinkykinkybedroomplaytime. Instead, they need to feel physically present with themselves, sharing simple embraces and touches to remind themselves that they have support. If this is you, take time each morning just caressing your limbs slowly, connecting body and mind. Repeat throughout your day to show your physical body that your love is always there for it.


Ummmm can someone say treat yo'self! We all think we know how to treat ourselves, but this person needs to buy themselves stuff that matters. This means taking the time to really think about how this visual symbol of your self-love will enhance your life. It means getting yourself something that feels valuable and special so that you can always have a tangible reminder of your love. If you're feeling stumped, check out this handy gift guide I made awhile back. I'd also suggest writing yourself a card every now and then as a token of spontaneous lovin'.


This knowledge has the power to transform your self-love practice, and dare I say it, your life. Once you know exactly what kind of love you need, you can begin giving it to yourself by the boatload and the overflow will simply spread to those around you. It's a magical process and I can't wait to see what you do with it. If you do decide to take yourself on a date this weekend show meeee by tagging @gooey.girl and #gooeygirlthings on Instagram.