I Can Say No – Creating Boundaries
“I can say no.” An utter revelation that has been rocking my world ever since it entered my brain last Saturday night.
To make a very long story short, I’ve been in a bit of a rut lately. Feeling like I just can’t get a handle on what it is exactly that I want from my life. There are things I want to do, projects I want to work on, goals I want to reach, etc. – sure. But what do I really WANT want?
Is it to be happy? To be fulfilled? Are those different? Do I want to live a life of leisure or a life of passionate ambition? Is it money and fame that I’m after or just the comfort of knowing that I’m making some small impact, somewhere?
These aren’t small questions – clearly. But I’m pleased to say that I have found the answers. And I did it in a way that seems so ass-backwards that it just might be the perfect solution.
The magical solution? Boundaries.
Boundaries are a thing that I really never thought about much until this week. Sure, I’ve heard the term tossed around here and there and I’ve been told that they are good things to set for yourself. But I truly never gave the idea two seconds of my time. To me, boundaries just seemed like rules that I didn’t feel like taking the time to not break. Who needs more things to think about everyday, I thought.
But not anymore, my friend! Now I see very clearly that while yes boundaries are basically just rules, they aren’t meant to oppress you, but rather to completely and totally liberate you.
The way I think of it is like making a roommate contract with yourself. You know, one of those dumb things where you have to write out the dos and don’ts of your household so that everything is really clear up front with the people you live with? Then, when your roommate has her boyfriend over for 4 days in a row or someone fails to wash their dishes after 48 hours, you can just point to the contract where you’ve already set rules against these things. This obvi beats the alternative of having to confront your roommate with no hard rules to present, thus having to defend yourself on the drop of a hat. If she’s particularly lame, she may even start making excuses for her shit and be super insensitive about your feelings on the matter.
This drama is all avoided, though, if you just have the damn contract signed and sealed to refer to! If you’ve set your boundaries up front, then there’s no excuse to be made and you can avoid the drama altogether.
Making boundaries with yourself is the same exact thing! By taking 15 minutes to make a contract with yourself, you liberate yourself from the drama of having to constantly decide what’s best for you. If you can learn to check in with yourself regularly to determine what it is you don’t want in your life, you can create more space for those things you do want.
Setting boundaries essentially raises your standards. These rules make sure that only the things that pass your test can enter your life. This, in turn, raises your energetic vibration which then increases your standards again and thus begins a cycle of positive change in your life.
And this brings me back to my existential crisis. In searching for what I do want in my life, I had to first face what I don’t want. I had to learn how to say no to things that were not doing me any good. I had to sign a contract with myself, so to speak, so that I know exactly what is not allowed to pass into my energy field.
Once I made my list of things I didn’t want in my life, it became incredibly clear to me what I did want. The big things and the little things. There they were, waiting for me like Michelangelo’s prisoners at the center of unwanted stone. Chipping away at the bits I didn’t want slowly revealed the beauty that was waiting for me all along.
“I can say no.” – A revelation in 4 words. A liberation. A mantra for the ages. Fuck a New Year’s Resolution, give me a New Year’s Boundary, baby!!!
But How to begin creating and implementing boundaries? Click here!